shaky:

I’m stuck between wanting:

1. A long lasting relationship with my soulmate who supports me and protects me and is my partner and we are completely bad ass together and in love

2. Wanting to have casual sex and rip out the heart of everyone person I meet

3. Being independent and having a loyal dog while I’m married to my career

I fucked up. Im a fuckup. I ruin everything i touch. Telling the truth kicked me in the gut. This is why lies are better.
If my entire life is made up by me, who’s to say what’s real and what isn’t

Every night

  • Me: I really need to go to sleep.
  • Netflix: Shhh
  • Me: But, I have to wake up ear-
  • Netflix: Shhh, press continue playing.
  • Me: Oh...okay

This guy seems perfect
But obviously, theres going to be something.
I just hope its something i can deal with.

apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

apostlemage:

pyramidslayer:

look what you can buy

There is a Pope in the Cars universe. This means that there is Catholic Christianity, which means there was a Jesus car who was crucified. Jesus Chrysler was crucified by car Romans under Pontiac Pilot who washed his wheels. A car was nailed to a cross and ascended to Heaven.

  • me as a pedestrian: [catwalks slowly across street as 90 cars pile up behind each other trying to turn; throws modelesque glance backwards over designer shades] [car inches into crosswalk] HOW DARE YOU COME WITHIN FIVE FEET OF ME!? I HAVE THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY??? SEE YOU IN COURT YOU CAPITALIST, PLANET-DESTROYING SCUM
  • me driving: say your prayers

like i respect your decision but i still gonna do whatever the fuck I want to